I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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