No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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