a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have started to decorate penises.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
