I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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