so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
