I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
