Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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