My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need water and some morals
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
