1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
