your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
