Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
