I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
