so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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