I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
