Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
