what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
