butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
