I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize