I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
