Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
