I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
