rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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