I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
