part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
