He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
