So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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