Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
