FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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