your thong is hanging out like whoa
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
