There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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