How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
