is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
