I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
