If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
