My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.