he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
