I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it penis luge time yet?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
