remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
