i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
