is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
