i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
