like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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