I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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