I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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