i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize