I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
