she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
