His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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