he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
