guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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