What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
