that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
