Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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