I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
