I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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