Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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