there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
