My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
