He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
