My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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