and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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