Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
