Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
