I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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