butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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