We're like a lot better than the average bears
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
