Come see our sink grown plant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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