I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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