Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need water and some morals
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