he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
