we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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