i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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