were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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