it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
