and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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