you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
