who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
