Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
