my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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